“I never thought what my philosophy is, but it has to be balance in everything you do.”
~ Abdullah A. Badawi
Balancing attention among your children is very, very important. By this I don’t mean 30 minutes for each kid per night. I mean balancing attention according to their changing needs. Sometimes it’s all about the neediest kid. Not the kid who whines the most, mind you, but the neediest kid. Oftentimes the neediest kid is the quietest one. But while you’re helping one child, check your rear view mirror to check on the others.
A parent must never show favoritism for one child over the others. If you are accused of this by your spouse or children, don’t dismiss it. It may not be true but their perception means something is not right.
We’ve also been told that children often misbehave or rebel to gain attention. Their needs may be an indication of your imbalance as a parent. Maybe you haven’t been giving them the guidance or love they need. When you rebalance, then they will hopefully readjust and the misbehaving and rebelling may go away. But note, be careful associating your positive change with their negative behavior or you may become a hostage. Put simply, don’t react to tantrums or threats!
Overt rebellion is very revealing, but less obvious behavior can also reveal quite a bit. You may notice that your son or daughter is too withdrawn or unable to be alone. They could be addicted to video games, food, comic books, or something much worse.
Some children cry too easily or never cry at all. Others seem to live in a fantasy world while others have no imagination. None of these traits in moderation are bad, but you should seek ways to get them out of any ruts in which they may be trapped.
And as mentioned before, you will take different avenues to help balance each child, for each child is unique. To either ignore these character traits or to obsess over minor indiscretions may be a sign that you, the father, are out of balance.
from "The Power of Dadhood: A Better Society, One Child at a Time"
coming in Spring 2014
A parent must never show favoritism for one child over the others. If you are accused of this by your spouse or children, don’t dismiss it. It may not be true but their perception means something is not right.
We’ve also been told that children often misbehave or rebel to gain attention. Their needs may be an indication of your imbalance as a parent. Maybe you haven’t been giving them the guidance or love they need. When you rebalance, then they will hopefully readjust and the misbehaving and rebelling may go away. But note, be careful associating your positive change with their negative behavior or you may become a hostage. Put simply, don’t react to tantrums or threats!
Overt rebellion is very revealing, but less obvious behavior can also reveal quite a bit. You may notice that your son or daughter is too withdrawn or unable to be alone. They could be addicted to video games, food, comic books, or something much worse.
Some children cry too easily or never cry at all. Others seem to live in a fantasy world while others have no imagination. None of these traits in moderation are bad, but you should seek ways to get them out of any ruts in which they may be trapped.
And as mentioned before, you will take different avenues to help balance each child, for each child is unique. To either ignore these character traits or to obsess over minor indiscretions may be a sign that you, the father, are out of balance.
from "The Power of Dadhood: A Better Society, One Child at a Time"
coming in Spring 2014
